AFFINITY MAGAZINE
I'm Flying 3351 Miles To Meet Two Strangers
I’m a huge believer in soulmates. I’m not just talking in romantic terms, but I believe they can be entirely platonic too. I also believe that you can have multiple soulmates, but until last summer I never understood how it felt to have such a strong connection with someone that you would do anything for them.
I cherish human connection over and above anything, but before I found my internet friends, I didn’t really have anyone to give that part of me to.
On July 4th of 2016, I was added into a groupchat on Twitter, full of like-minded people. It took a mere few days for the love I had for this little family we had created to consume me, and the feeling was mutual. Fast forward nine months later, and they are still my go-to people.
Despite the distance, we make it work. We Skype when timezones allow, watch movies together, share playlists and photos and stories and we create memories. We do everything that any normal friendship involves, but on screen.
We don’t get to physically comfort each other when we need it most and some of us will never know how it feels to hug one another, but words and emotion are somehow enough.
My internet friends came into my life at a time when I desperately needed them. I was letting go of toxic friendships, beginning a new chapter, and I needed the ability to re-discover myself. They allowed me to do that.
I live in a relatively small town, where everybody has mutual friends. There’s never anybody new here who knows nothing about you, and the gift of meeting a group of people who knew absolutely nothing about me other than what I told them meant that I could be the truest version of myself and there was nobody to judge me on past mistakes.
I am not a spontaneous person, and I do not take risks yet here I am, preparing for a life-changing trip. In two months time, I’m taking two of my closest friends from home to explore one of the best cities in the world, but that’s not all.
We’re meeting two (fingers-crossed) of these soulmates/strangers/best friends in New York. No big deal, right? Well maybe if I lived in the US, but I don’t. I live in the South West of England, 3351 miles away. Does my family know? No. Do my friends know? Yes, and they’re super supportive.
I constantly sit here daydreaming about finally having that cliche moment from the movies, you know, the slow-motion run through the airport? I think about all of the photos that I’ll have on my wall for years to come and of the memories we’re going to create together, side-by-side, but it’s bittersweet.
Despite the distance, we make it work. We Skype when timezones allow, watch movies together, share playlists and photos and stories and we create memories. We do everything that any normal friendship involves, but on screen.
We don’t get to physically comfort each other when we need it most and some of us will never know how it feels to hug one another, but words and emotion are somehow enough.
My internet friends came into my life at a time when I desperately needed them. I was letting go of toxic friendships, beginning a new chapter, and I needed the ability to re-discover myself. They allowed me to do that.
I live in a relatively small town, where everybody has mutual friends. There’s never anybody new here who knows nothing about you, and the gift of meeting a group of people who knew absolutely nothing about me other than what I told them meant that I could be the truest version of myself and there was nobody to judge me on past mistakes.
I am not a spontaneous person, and I do not take risks yet here I am, preparing for a life-changing trip. In two months time, I’m taking two of my closest friends from home to explore one of the best cities in the world, but that’s not all.
We’re meeting two (fingers-crossed) of these soulmates/strangers/best friends in New York. No big deal, right? Well maybe if I lived in the US, but I don’t. I live in the South West of England, 3351 miles away. Does my family know? No. Do my friends know? Yes, and they’re super supportive.
I constantly sit here daydreaming about finally having that cliche moment from the movies, you know, the slow-motion run through the airport? I think about all of the photos that I’ll have on my wall for years to come and of the memories we’re going to create together, side-by-side, but it’s bittersweet.
I want these girls with me on my wedding day, I want them to be there when I raise my children and I want to share the biggest moments in my life with them and knowing that we’ll spend the rest of our lives communicating the way we have been so far breaks my heart.
What makes it slightly easier is knowing that we’re not alone in this. The internet is a breeding ground for beautiful friendships and it gives everyone the ability to feel like they are accepted and loved.
There are always going to be plane tickets, and while you may have to wait years in-between visits, if the connection is strong enough then it’s worth it.
Do I think I’m going to be kidnapped in New York? Absolutely not. I’ve done my research, and I know the people behind the screen often better than I know myself. When you’re on the unflattering snapchat level of friendship, you know you can trust them.
There will always be people who don’t understand the concept of internet friendships. There will always be someone telling you it’s ridiculous, that you can’t possibly be close with someone you’ve never physically met, that you can’t trust the person on the other side of the screen. I’m not saying everyone has good intentions or that everyone is who they claim to be, because if that were the case then MTV’s Catfish wouldn’t exist.
What I am saying is that our generation is smart. We are the social media generation, and if social media can bring a friendship into your life that helps you grow and teaches you to value emotional connections, why is it such a bad thing?
There are always going to be plane tickets, and while you may have to wait years in-between visits, if the connection is strong enough then it’s worth it.
Do I think I’m going to be kidnapped in New York? Absolutely not. I’ve done my research, and I know the people behind the screen often better than I know myself. When you’re on the unflattering snapchat level of friendship, you know you can trust them.
There will always be people who don’t understand the concept of internet friendships. There will always be someone telling you it’s ridiculous, that you can’t possibly be close with someone you’ve never physically met, that you can’t trust the person on the other side of the screen. I’m not saying everyone has good intentions or that everyone is who they claim to be, because if that were the case then MTV’s Catfish wouldn’t exist.
What I am saying is that our generation is smart. We are the social media generation, and if social media can bring a friendship into your life that helps you grow and teaches you to value emotional connections, why is it such a bad thing?
It's Time To Start Respecting Fanfiction Writers
There is a common misconception that people who read and write fanfiction are teenage girls who are holed up in their bedrooms with no friends, and who have no sense of maturity. If this is the case, then explain why my Mum has been reading fanfiction since the late 90’s and now, at the age of 46, could probably give you thousands of recommendations.
Social media is potentially the biggest culprit when it comes to the stigma surrounding fanfiction. It’s easy to share links to work, and it’s equally as easy to write negative comments and ridicule people’s hard work and passion.
Social media is potentially the biggest culprit when it comes to the stigma surrounding fanfiction. It’s easy to share links to work, and it’s equally as easy to write negative comments and ridicule people’s hard work and passion.
I know that some fanfiction can be very NSFW but you realise that those parts are pretty much just pornography in written form, right? If you’re willing to watch it, why aren’t you willing to read it?
The biggest difference I guess is that more and more young people are writing this type of content, and people can read it when surrounded by people on the bus or at work or school. In that respect, it makes sense that fanfiction is such a taboo subject but people need to look past that side of things. We’re not all trying to write the next Fifty Shades of Grey, but that’s not to say there’s anything wrong with people who include sexual content in their writing.
When I was thirteen, I began co-writing a fanfiction with someone I’d started talking to online. I told my friends about it, and soon discovered that I was committing social-suicide. Every time I mentioned it or read a fic when I was around people, they would either get uncomfortable or make jokes at my expense.
When I was thirteen, I began co-writing a fanfiction with someone I’d started talking to online. I told my friends about it, and soon discovered that I was committing social-suicide. Every time I mentioned it or read a fic when I was around people, they would either get uncomfortable or make jokes at my expense.
I found myself feeling ashamed for wanting to write and express my ideas through these characters, when in reality I should’ve been proud that I was getting my work out there.
Don’t get me wrong, I had friends who read fanfiction too and they understood perfectly and supported my own work but it didn’t stop me figuring out why others were being so close-minded.
I searched online for opinions on the matter, and it hit me; they thought that I was stupid for dedicating a whole story to an existing fictional character and investing my time in them, instead of creating a new character and world of my own.
I started to think that they had a point, so I took their advice and it ended up going exactly the way I had suspected it would.
I went from getting hundreds of people reading my work in the first three weeks to getting an audience of ten people in two months. Writing as a fan, for fans, had been providing me with an audience willing to give feedback and get involved in the story and that aspect of writing had never occurred to me.
I’m not saying we all write for an audience, but it helps to motivate you when you know that people are enjoying what you’ve written and are as invested as you are.
Across three main fanfiction websites, we have seemingly unlimited access to stories based on our favourite shows, movies, games and characters. I’ve previously read fanfiction that has the potential to be turned into a best-selling novel or Hollywood film. Something written by a sixteen year old can often be better than something you find in a bookstore that’s been written by someone in their mid-thirties.
While many of us grow as writers and expand our vocabulary as we get older and write more, age does not dictate talent.
There are authors who started out as fanfiction writers before they got published and you certainly won’t see any of them mocking us, so why do people with zero interest or writing experience think they have a right?
I searched online for opinions on the matter, and it hit me; they thought that I was stupid for dedicating a whole story to an existing fictional character and investing my time in them, instead of creating a new character and world of my own.
I started to think that they had a point, so I took their advice and it ended up going exactly the way I had suspected it would.
I went from getting hundreds of people reading my work in the first three weeks to getting an audience of ten people in two months. Writing as a fan, for fans, had been providing me with an audience willing to give feedback and get involved in the story and that aspect of writing had never occurred to me.
I’m not saying we all write for an audience, but it helps to motivate you when you know that people are enjoying what you’ve written and are as invested as you are.
Across three main fanfiction websites, we have seemingly unlimited access to stories based on our favourite shows, movies, games and characters. I’ve previously read fanfiction that has the potential to be turned into a best-selling novel or Hollywood film. Something written by a sixteen year old can often be better than something you find in a bookstore that’s been written by someone in their mid-thirties.
While many of us grow as writers and expand our vocabulary as we get older and write more, age does not dictate talent.
There are authors who started out as fanfiction writers before they got published and you certainly won’t see any of them mocking us, so why do people with zero interest or writing experience think they have a right?
“I myself used to write Star Wars fan fiction when I was tween. I think writing fan fiction is a good way for new writers to learn to tell a story.” – Meg Cabot
I’m no longer ashamed to write fanfiction, or to admit that it’s become my main source of reading. I still write non-fanfic stories, but I love the idea that fans have control of characters as well as the paid writers. Your favourite character dies or is given a storyline that doesn’t do them justice? Read a fanfic and pretend that nothing happened.
Let people be passionate and creative without fear of being ridiculed for it, no matter their age.
Let people be passionate and creative without fear of being ridiculed for it, no matter their age.
Education Is Destroying Passion
You’ve heard that before, right? That school is destroying passion and imagination? It’s probably come out of your own mouth at some point, and that right there is the problem. Nobody should feel like they have to make this statement.
My passion? Writing. Storytelling. I believed in fictional characters, and I loved them as though they were real. I created entire worlds in my head and I desperately tried to hold onto these parts of me.
From my first year of school as a four year old until I began High School, my imagination and my passion for creating flourished. I was encouraged to write short stories because my family and teachers thought it was sweet. They didn’t take it seriously, and they figured it was part of growing up. A phase. I didn’t want to prove them right, but when the exhausting amount of schoolwork took control of my life, the so-called phase was over.
My imagination had been replaced by the hardworking student version of me, someone who spent hours crying because I couldn’t do mathematical equations. I read books not for enjoyment but because I had to write an essay based on the text. Instead of creating art, I was analyzing and writing down every single step I took to reach a finished product. A product that wasn’t even that great because I’d spent half of the allocated time thinking instead of letting my passion lead me.
The stress of school brought out the worst in my mental health, as it does for so many High School students, and I didn’t have my passion to cling onto. I couldn’t find it.
Does the education system kill our passion and imagination because teachers think we need to be practical and realistic about our futures? Do they think that putting every ounce of our energy into school will help us grow and be successful?
I often wonder if my High School teachers realize that probably half of their students spent a year studying an intense, soul-destroying academic-based course at college after being pushed in that direction, before either dropping out or transferring to another course.
I was one of the students who transferred. I failed my first year exams, lost any aspect of a social life that I once had and subsequently switched to studying film & media without even taking the time to discuss it with my family.
My passion? Writing. Storytelling. I believed in fictional characters, and I loved them as though they were real. I created entire worlds in my head and I desperately tried to hold onto these parts of me.
From my first year of school as a four year old until I began High School, my imagination and my passion for creating flourished. I was encouraged to write short stories because my family and teachers thought it was sweet. They didn’t take it seriously, and they figured it was part of growing up. A phase. I didn’t want to prove them right, but when the exhausting amount of schoolwork took control of my life, the so-called phase was over.
My imagination had been replaced by the hardworking student version of me, someone who spent hours crying because I couldn’t do mathematical equations. I read books not for enjoyment but because I had to write an essay based on the text. Instead of creating art, I was analyzing and writing down every single step I took to reach a finished product. A product that wasn’t even that great because I’d spent half of the allocated time thinking instead of letting my passion lead me.
The stress of school brought out the worst in my mental health, as it does for so many High School students, and I didn’t have my passion to cling onto. I couldn’t find it.
Does the education system kill our passion and imagination because teachers think we need to be practical and realistic about our futures? Do they think that putting every ounce of our energy into school will help us grow and be successful?
I often wonder if my High School teachers realize that probably half of their students spent a year studying an intense, soul-destroying academic-based course at college after being pushed in that direction, before either dropping out or transferring to another course.
I was one of the students who transferred. I failed my first year exams, lost any aspect of a social life that I once had and subsequently switched to studying film & media without even taking the time to discuss it with my family.
I reached my breaking point, and I had to do what was right for me, not what looked better to employers and educators.
Is that what they are trying to achieve? They want us to drop out of college because we haven’t had the opportunity to figure out what we genuinely enjoy dedicating our time to?
Our generation has a choice. We do not have to be perfect students with perfect grades.
We do not have to be in desk jobs for our entire lives if we don’t want to be and money doesn’t have to be our top priority. We can take our passion and create. We can inspire and we can change lives, but only if we are given the encouragement to do so.
Our generation has a choice. We do not have to be perfect students with perfect grades.
We do not have to be in desk jobs for our entire lives if we don’t want to be and money doesn’t have to be our top priority. We can take our passion and create. We can inspire and we can change lives, but only if we are given the encouragement to do so.
We don’t owe anyone except ourselves.
Once I graduated High School, I realized my imagination had never left me. It had actually been there for me in times when everything else got too much to bear. Part of me lived in a fictional world that I had total control over, and the other part was out facing reality. It’s a form of stress relief that I still access years later but it reveals the damage the education system can cause. No teenager should feel like they need an entirely fictional escape.
Parents and adults need to take a stand for the younger generation, and the younger generation needs to know that their passion will always be there to guide them even when they feel like they’re failing.
Parents and adults need to take a stand for the younger generation, and the younger generation needs to know that their passion will always be there to guide them even when they feel like they’re failing.
Stop Telling Film Students They Have It Easy
If you had asked six-year-old me what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer would be a writer. I spent years scribbling down my ideas on lonely visits to my Grandma’s house, and my family would have to drag me away from my notebook and tempt me with, “do you want to watch The Parent Trap?” because I got so carried away. All I wanted to do was tell stories.
I had no idea that my excessive writing, reading and watching would become more than something to pass the time. I began studying film and media in my final two years of High School, and after one project I discovered that not only did I enjoy the process, I was actually pretty good at it.
Back in school, I thought nothing of it when people told me that the course looked easy because at that level, it was. We had a dozen other subjects to study and take exams for so of course we weren’t going to be challenged quite as much. Not only that, but we didn’t have access to the same equipment that college and university students do so we couldn’t have expanded our skills much more if we’d tried.
The workload of an average film student didn’t hit me until I entered my third year of study, and now being in my fifth year, I’ve realised just how little respect we get.
I am frequently told that my experience of student life must be easy. According to non-film students, all film students do is watch films, right? What if I told you that those of us who truly care about our work are never just watching. We’re studying, analysing, criticising, learning and finding our inspiration.
We work through the night on multiple occasions of the week to perfect a pitch package, a script or an edit. We sit in front of our computers and edit until our headaches become too much to handle. We go out and work on set at absurd times in freezing temperatures because the perfect shot is worth sacrificing comfort. We spend our own money on hiring cast and crew and sourcing props, and we plan the film from start to finish. Oh, and don’t forget we’re still going to lectures, writing essays, trying to maintain our social lives, jobs and our mental health.
I had no idea that my excessive writing, reading and watching would become more than something to pass the time. I began studying film and media in my final two years of High School, and after one project I discovered that not only did I enjoy the process, I was actually pretty good at it.
Back in school, I thought nothing of it when people told me that the course looked easy because at that level, it was. We had a dozen other subjects to study and take exams for so of course we weren’t going to be challenged quite as much. Not only that, but we didn’t have access to the same equipment that college and university students do so we couldn’t have expanded our skills much more if we’d tried.
The workload of an average film student didn’t hit me until I entered my third year of study, and now being in my fifth year, I’ve realised just how little respect we get.
I am frequently told that my experience of student life must be easy. According to non-film students, all film students do is watch films, right? What if I told you that those of us who truly care about our work are never just watching. We’re studying, analysing, criticising, learning and finding our inspiration.
We work through the night on multiple occasions of the week to perfect a pitch package, a script or an edit. We sit in front of our computers and edit until our headaches become too much to handle. We go out and work on set at absurd times in freezing temperatures because the perfect shot is worth sacrificing comfort. We spend our own money on hiring cast and crew and sourcing props, and we plan the film from start to finish. Oh, and don’t forget we’re still going to lectures, writing essays, trying to maintain our social lives, jobs and our mental health.
What if I told you that those of us who truly care about our work are never just watching. We’re studying, analysing, criticising, learning and finding our inspiration.
I know people who have studied film and media because, like so many others, they think it’s easy. It’s a common assumption, and I suppose it makes sense that people who aren’t aware of the workload would think this, but you’re incorrect.
Do you think we would get ourselves into thousands of pounds of debt and risk never having a stable, full-time job for the sake of watching films? No. We get ourselves into debt because we are passionate. We want to create content to share with the world.
Do you think we would get ourselves into thousands of pounds of debt and risk never having a stable, full-time job for the sake of watching films? No. We get ourselves into debt because we are passionate. We want to create content to share with the world.
You are failing to realise the most important thing about film students: we are the future of the film industry.
One day, this generation will be responsible for all of the new releases in cinema and you may find that we are the ones responsible for creating the films that your children grow up watching. We are valuable, and we deserve respect for our work.
You have a choice in what you study and what you dedicate your time to, so do yourself the biggest favour of your life and make it something you are passionate about and something you want to wake up and do every day.
I am absolutely not saying that film is easier than other subjects, nor am I saying that every film student could study medicine and vice versa. No individual course is ever easy. What I am saying is that every single student deserves an equal level of respect. We’re all in the same boat and we need to stop comparing and putting other students down.
We are all trying to do one thing: build our future. Let’s support each other.
You have a choice in what you study and what you dedicate your time to, so do yourself the biggest favour of your life and make it something you are passionate about and something you want to wake up and do every day.
I am absolutely not saying that film is easier than other subjects, nor am I saying that every film student could study medicine and vice versa. No individual course is ever easy. What I am saying is that every single student deserves an equal level of respect. We’re all in the same boat and we need to stop comparing and putting other students down.
We are all trying to do one thing: build our future. Let’s support each other.
A Fictional Character Helped Me Realize My Sexuality
Two weeks ago, I came out as bisexual. It was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, but it wasn’t my family or my real-life friends who I told, it was my Twitter followers. So, if I happen to know you personally and I haven’t come out to you, then I’m sorry but consider this my official coming out announcement.
Why did I tell over a thousand strangers instead of the people in my life who probably should know about this? Truthfully, I don’t know. My parents suspect that I’m interested in girls and have told me time and time again that if that was the case, they wouldn’t care, but I’m attracted to both males and females and I have no idea if their reactions would be any different. Would they understand?
Besides, they don’t need to know unless I bring a girl home, right? If that day comes then great, if not, for all I’m concerned they can remain in the dark and hope that I find someone decent to introduce them to.
What’s ironic about this situation is that when I realized I was bi, they were in the same room as me and I burst into tears. They asked me what was wrong, I cried harder, and my Dad said “maybe it’s just this episode of Grey’s that’s getting to her.” I rolled with it.
I’m known within my family and friendship circles to cry at the slightest thing and Grey’s Anatomy was the current contributor, but something much more significant was happening to me: a fictional character had just made me realize my sexuality.
Arizona Robbins had been open about her sexuality from her first moments on the show, and her girlfriend, Callie Torres, had previously been questioning her own sexuality and had come to the conclusion that she was bisexual (side note, Callie’s ex-girlfriend told her she wasn’t allowed to be attracted to both men and women).
I’ve witnessed similar storylines and been introduced to LGBTQ characters before, but there was something about Arizona. I couldn’t put my finger on it and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was attracted to Arizona Robbins (well, the actress who plays her), and that combined with her dating a bisexual woman completely overwhelmed me and I was left with the fact that I was one of them.
Why did I tell over a thousand strangers instead of the people in my life who probably should know about this? Truthfully, I don’t know. My parents suspect that I’m interested in girls and have told me time and time again that if that was the case, they wouldn’t care, but I’m attracted to both males and females and I have no idea if their reactions would be any different. Would they understand?
Besides, they don’t need to know unless I bring a girl home, right? If that day comes then great, if not, for all I’m concerned they can remain in the dark and hope that I find someone decent to introduce them to.
What’s ironic about this situation is that when I realized I was bi, they were in the same room as me and I burst into tears. They asked me what was wrong, I cried harder, and my Dad said “maybe it’s just this episode of Grey’s that’s getting to her.” I rolled with it.
I’m known within my family and friendship circles to cry at the slightest thing and Grey’s Anatomy was the current contributor, but something much more significant was happening to me: a fictional character had just made me realize my sexuality.
Arizona Robbins had been open about her sexuality from her first moments on the show, and her girlfriend, Callie Torres, had previously been questioning her own sexuality and had come to the conclusion that she was bisexual (side note, Callie’s ex-girlfriend told her she wasn’t allowed to be attracted to both men and women).
I’ve witnessed similar storylines and been introduced to LGBTQ characters before, but there was something about Arizona. I couldn’t put my finger on it and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was attracted to Arizona Robbins (well, the actress who plays her), and that combined with her dating a bisexual woman completely overwhelmed me and I was left with the fact that I was one of them.
Allow me to make something very clear: Arizona and Callie did not make me bisexual. I already was bisexual, I just didn’t figure it out until their storyline was presented to me.
This is not a Ruby Rose situation with girls across the globe stating “I’d turn gay for Ruby Rose” or “Ruby Rose made me Gay.” Sure, if your attraction to someone of the same sex allows you to come to the conclusion that you are in fact attracted to a specific gender, then great! Just don’t go thinking that someone else has the ability to “make” or “turn” you gay. It doesn’t work like that (this is coming from a girl who began to question everything following Ruby’s entrance to Orange Is The New Black).
If I’m being totally honest, I have no idea if my coming out story is socially acceptable but I can’t help that because it’s what happened. I know there will be people out there who will hate me for writing this, and I get it. A lot of people have it way harder than I do, and I’ve only been questioning this for a few years while others have been confused for their entire lives, but it’s the truth and I think it’s important to be open about these things.
Please note that I’m new to this, I’m trying to work out what’s acceptable to say and what’s not and I’m doing my best not to offend anyone. If I say something wrong, or if you come across someone else being unintentionally offensive, educate us!
Thinking back, I guess my childhood crush on Maia Mitchell makes sense now.
If I’m being totally honest, I have no idea if my coming out story is socially acceptable but I can’t help that because it’s what happened. I know there will be people out there who will hate me for writing this, and I get it. A lot of people have it way harder than I do, and I’ve only been questioning this for a few years while others have been confused for their entire lives, but it’s the truth and I think it’s important to be open about these things.
Please note that I’m new to this, I’m trying to work out what’s acceptable to say and what’s not and I’m doing my best not to offend anyone. If I say something wrong, or if you come across someone else being unintentionally offensive, educate us!
Thinking back, I guess my childhood crush on Maia Mitchell makes sense now.